One Year On....

This day last year, I was admitted to the Neurology ward of Beaumont Hospital, Dublin, as they tried to determine the reason for my weak hand. I never in a million years  thought that I would be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

The diagnosis was a big shock, but due to my ignorance, I wasn't THAT worried, and felt I could cope with anything.

The months following my diagnosis were very difficult, both physically and emotionally. I had to make a lot of changes in my life, regarding work and how I managed stress. I left my job, and began using new techniques to manage my stress. Then gradually, the physical symptoms eased off. The emotionally difficulties will always remain, but I think I have just become more equipped to deal with them. The spontaneity of the disease will always be difficult to deal with, as I like to be in charge of my life... but lets face it, who doesn't?! 

At this moment in time, I am healthy and free of relapse. I am constantly scared that I may wake up with another symptom, but that is just how life will be from now on. I don't let the fear run my life or prevent me from doing things- I think that's the only way to manage it. 

It's definitely been a tough year, but I have amazing family and friends and THEY are the reason I have survived it x 

My first relapse?

Argh! The MS seemed to be hiding for the last few months and I've been getting myself back to the person I used to be... but I think it's coming back :(

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a burning sensation on my upper thigh. It would last for a few minutes, and come on a few times every day. I went to the doctor last week and he gave me Capsaicin cream to alleviate the burning. Now the burning goes down from my thigh to my toes on my right leg. Don't get me wrong, it's not the worst experience ever but it's still a reminder of this disease.

A few days ago, I had a weird feeling in my right arm and hand (where it all began!). I have practiced the tests that the Neuro docs do (straightening my arms out and trying to hold them there). In the past, when my arm was weak, it would drop down out of my control. This time, my arms are staying up. So this seems to  be  a feeling as opposed to a physical symptom. I'm hoping it stays like that, but I have a horrible feeling in my stomach that this is gonna be my first relapse.

It's strange, as I felt, for the past while, that I was coping well with the idea of my life with MS. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm trying to prepare myself for this possible relapse, but is there really a way you can do that? Is there really a way to allow this disease to borrow the use of your limbs for a while? To make you feel so tired that you're actually too tired to sleep? To cause you discomfort through pins and needles and burning in your body? And the worst bit is not knowing when your body will be returned to you from the grips of the disease.  I'll just have to wait and see......

Summer!

I'm a big fan of the summer, and love the heat, but this summer is different. Irish summers are never really any different to any other season. It's usually rainy, breezy and dull with the occasional "warm" day. I'm warm ALL the time! Even when it's raining I don't bring a jacket out. I'm sticky and grumpy and sweaty!
It's mad how Vitamin D is supposed to be great for you, but the only way of doing that is to get out into the sunshine. It affects my eyes too! I feel like a wannabe celeb going around in my sunglasses all the time but if I don't, I can barely see.

Anyone any tips on how they cope in the Summer months?


I couldn't resist posting these photos up of our cats sunning themselves in the garden :)

Squid

Bear

Summer!

I'm a big fan of the summer, and love the heat, but this summer is different. Irish summers are never really any different to any other season. It's usually rainy, breezy and dull with the occasional "warm" day. I'm warm ALL the time! Even when it's raining I don't bring a jacket out. I'm sticky and grumpy and sweaty!
It's mad how Vitamin D is supposed to be great for you, but the only way of doing that is to get out into the sunshine. It affects my eyes too! I feel like a wannabe celeb going around in my sunglasses all the time but if I don't, I can barely see.

Anyone any tips on how they cope in the Summer months?



The cats, Bear and Squid, enjoying the sun :)

I'm a normal MSer!

I had an appointment with my neuro last week, and after a go- over, he said he reckoned I'd live (okay, I'm paraphrasing!) and that I wouldn't have to have another check up for a year!!

I could've kissed his lovely little Chinese face. That's all I have wanted in the last few months, as I feel I'm either at the hospital or docs once a month! Now I'm like a normal MSer who just has to go for yearly check- ups.

He even gave me a little mustard coloured card with "twelve months" written in the Appointmemt Date section. I felt like it was my very own Golden Ticket!!!

Sicky Sickness :(

Oh I'm a moaning Michael again! I have tonsillitus but have also picked up some virus as well. I feel very "bunged up" in my head so am less than constructive right now. I've gotten better at taking my vitamins too though, so maybe this is illness will get me into a better habit. I take Naudicelle Plus, which is a mixture of Vitamin D and Evening Primrose Oil. I started taking these tablets just after my diagnosis so I can't say whether they work or not, but it can't hurt to take them... even if they are the size of my thumb and I have to take six a day!!!!!

I've had a bit of a tough couple of weeks emotionally too. Just as I feel an improvement in my mood, I hit a brick wall again. It got me thinking about Elisabeth Kubler- Ross' Five Stages of Grief. I remember studying this in college in the actual context of grief during a terminal illness or after a bereavement, but it can absolutely translate to grief after being diagnosed with an illness like Multiple Sclerosis, as you are grieving for the life you had before diagnosis.

As you can see from the illustration, the stages are denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.
They are not the exact emotions that everyone will feel, but more of a framework to help us understand what we may be feeling at any given time in our grief.
These stages are said to be experienced at different times by people experiencing grief, and are not reached in any specific order.

I can definitly see where I've experienced specific emotions from the Five Stages, and I can also see which ones I struggle with and keep coming back to. I don't know if the "Acceptance" stage is easily reached, but I'm going to allow myself to reach them it my own pace and not feel that I need to be okay with this diagnosis now. After all, I am still a newborn in this MS journey.

New Symptom- Bruxism

I thought I was done with new symptoms- apparently not!

About a month ago, I noticed that I would wake up during the night with my jaw aching a bit. I then realised that I would grind my teeth during the day too. This is something I have never done before, so thought it was a bi- product of a new medication I started (unrelated to MS). I stuck it to the back of my mind and decided I would discuss it with my GP on my next visit.

I was browsing an MS website the other day and noticed other MSers were discussing grinding their teeth as a part of their symptoms... So now I know this is just something I will have to live with! I will discuss it with my doctor, and see if he feels the need to refer me to a dentist but I'm hoping this will just fade away, like the L' Hermittes Sign.

I tell you, every day is a school day- I don't think I'll ever learn enough about this disease!!!

Other than that, I'm doing well. I'm still trying to take every day as it comes, and it seems to be helping me manage my life.

Happy happy happy!!!